Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize