I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
