Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
