I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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