Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
