Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
