why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
