It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
