Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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