That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
