I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
