He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
