and i looked up. we had an audience...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
