there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
