So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
