just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
