some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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