Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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