I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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