All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
