At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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