I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
