I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you never un-have a 4some
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize