can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
