Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
