I'd wear matching sweaters with you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
