Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
