this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can I color on your dick again?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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