I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
