You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize