Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
