She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The power of my boobs compel you
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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