he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
