i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
