her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
