The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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