i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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