she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
