oh god the rape fog is back!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
