There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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