You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
