Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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