I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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