hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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