Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
