It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
