Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Shame is for Republicans.
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