"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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