I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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