I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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