You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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