the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
