FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
