she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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