This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
