12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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