i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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