You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
