I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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