so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hippo gnu deer
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
