Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
