i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
