cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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