You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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