The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
