Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
