Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
