I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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