two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
