they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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