I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
