I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
