One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
