if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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