May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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