So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
