So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Houston, we have a blender
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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