oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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