this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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