So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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