Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
