There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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