umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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