if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
