drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
