I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
