So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
