My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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