I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
