I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
