1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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