How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
