my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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